family

At first, it hit me by surprise at an impromptu dinner out with all of us together, though Shira was sleeping.

Maybe it was the candles and warm lighting. Maybe it was the cold outside contrasting with the coziness inside. It began to startle me in the morning when we all sat on the couch and read stories together. Now I notice it throughout the day, all the time.

First I was me. No, that's not true. First I was part of a family. Mom, Dad, Brother and Sister. Then it wasn't a family anymore. It was sometimes Mom, sometimes Dad and Joan, but mostly just David and Lisa/Big Brother and Little Sister. And then it was just Me. Teenager, alone Me. Then it was College Student alone Me. Then it was Me and Him (get obsessed Me, break up Me, fall apart Me, be alone Me - rinse and repeat.)

Then it wasn't just Me. It was Us. The Couple. Then the Married Couple. Then the Couple and Baby.

But now, I wake up in the morning part of a family.

And when I mean wake up as part of a family, I mean wake up in a bed with four people.

Is it the wintry air that causes us to turn on the heater and cuddle under blankets on the couch as we read stories that has done it? Is it the completion of our family with the fourth member? Is it moving past the hardest parts of infancy with the knowledge that it all gets better from here? Is it the enchantment of hearing our words come out of a little mouth that looks just a bit like us?

Whatever the reason, I constantly find my heart warmed and so full sometimes I think it could break to be part of something so wonderful with my children and my husband, something that I haven't felt myself since I was a child.