ruminations on parenting partners

This is a parent who does it all. He is not just a great "Dad". He is a great parent. Perhaps that means I should call him a great "Mom".

Why do I say that? I have been really surprised recently at the number of people who were shocked to find that Steve is fully capable of taking care of both of our children by himself. We found out quickly after Samuel was born that a good "Dad" was a guy who occasionally changed a diaper and participated in some (but certainly not all) aspects of child rearing. A guy who may or may not think that it was called "babysitting" if he was taking care of his own kid.

Considering that frame of reference, I guess I shouldn't be surprised at how many of the people we encounter are dubious that Steve can handle things when he is out and about with two children, get ready for the shocker here, BY HIMSELF.

Why is this worthy of a blog post? Well, I hope by the time Shira and Samuel are reading and enjoying this compilation of pictures and text about themselves, that it is a slightly offensive old fashioned notion that dads are not truly capable of being competent caretakers of their own children. They can laugh at the silly notion that their father was stopped on the street by strangers who told him that he wasn't supporting his baby's head properly. They can snort derisively when they learn that he was patted on the back and informed of how impressive he was for take two children to a kids museum by himself. And, well, if it isn't an antiquated notion, I really want them to know that their Dad is a full and equal partner in our parenting, who wipes as many noses and tushes as I do, and has no problem taking both of his children anywhere he goes, just as I do.

Since Steve was home all last month on parental leave that we saved up from Shira's birth, I have had the opportunity to think a lot about how we truly are partners on the parenting front. Two mornings a week, I was the one who left for work while he stayed home to take care of the kids, and on Wednesdays, he and Samuel and Shira headed off to preschool while I stayed behind (and went to the dentist, or to work, or did something else terribly exciting). And moms who never batted an eye at me toting Shira and watching Samuel at preschool, kept a wary eye on Steve and stayed nearby to help him. And when I returned to preschool for the first time this week, several moms expressed surprise that Steve came by himself, and informed me that their husbands can handle one child at a time, but more than one, gosh then all bets are off.

What? How ridiculous is that? Why do women not only accept, but expect something less than a fully functioning parent in their spouse? Why do men who are super successful in other areas of their lives play helpless incompetents on the home front (and aren't embarrassed by their ineptitude)? And why do people think it's charming? Ok, I know that sounds harsh, but that's actually the less offensive version.

Let me end my tirade as a love letter, and hope I haven't offended friends and family members. Steve, you are an amazing partner. An amazing husband. An amazing Dad. You do some really fantastic laundry. And before we hired Carolina, you were the only one in our house who could do some really kickass toilet cleaning. I think these are some pretty high credentials, even more valuable than the amazing Program Manager you are, even if our culture says something different.